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Paruppu Thengai

The Wedding Lunch

The lunch normally prepared on the marriage day is a very grand one with umpteen courses. The wife along with her relatives invites the groom and his family for the lunch with a pair of Paruppu Thengai Kutti.Normally a special area is reserved for the lunch of the groom's relatives. In the olden days before each banana leaf of the groom's family guests , they used to keep a lit lamp. The husband and wife sit together for their lunch side by side. Lot of mirth and fun is derived by all concerned when the newly married couples are asked to exchange their half eaten food or when they try to feed each other.

Palum Pazhamum (Loukika)

Then the wife and husband visit first the husband's house and then the wife's house .In these houses the female relatives gather and give the husband and wife a spoon each of banana pieces put in milk. Since the husband's house is normally in some other town, the husband and wife are nowadays taken to the place allotted to the groom's party and the husband's relatives give Palum pazhamum there.

Aseervadam

Aseervadam and Phala Dhanam(Puranic)

This means literally blessing. The groom spreads his Uttariya over his shoulders and his wife stands by his side. Than the elders and learned people in the gathering throw Akshathai (meaning that which never ends but in reality rice coloured by turmeric) at the couple with Vedic prayers to the almighty to give him all that is good in life. They pray for his and his wife's betterment. A pair of paruppu Thengai Kutti is used at this occasion also. Once this is over, , then the husband and wife do namaskarams to their grand parents, parents, uncles , aunts and also to each of the elders present and get their blessing. Each of them put the Akshathai thrown at them and collected from the groom's Uttariya on their heads. Nowadays, possibly due to lack of time all the elders stand together and the couple are only asked to do one namaskaram.
Once this ritual is over the husband and wife are ready to accept gifts from all their relatives and friends. The first to give presents are always the bride's parents. This always includes a silk sari from the bride's parents and a Veshti for the groom. The bride's and groom's paternal aunts and maternal uncles follow them. Then the other relations and friends give their presents. Each present in the olden days used to be given with a mantra in the form of blessing and used to be always termed as "Ayiram Kodi Gatti Varahan". This means billions of solid gold coins. Once the presentation ceremony is over the husband and wife return the presents to their paternal aunts. Normally it is slightly more in value than the presents given by the aunts. Only Thamboola is given back to the maternal uncles.
Phala Dhanam or giving of cash presents to all the guests used to take place after the Aseervadam. Normally this used to be a quarter of a rupee and used to be given by the brides family. But as on today this has been discontinued and cash gifts are now given in some marriages only to the near and dear of the groom.
After this an Arathi is taken. This consists of water in which turmeric and lime is mixed, waved in a circular fashion by one female representative of the groom's side and the other from the brides side, along with a suitable song. The groom puts two coins as gift to these relatives. This in reality should bring to an end the pre-lunch rituals of the marriage. But nowadays the rest of the Vedic rituals, which are supposed to be carried out in the groom's house, also are compressed and carried out before lunch.

Jayadhi Homam (Vedic)

This homa is performed at the end of the main Homa for successful completion of the function and for a prosperous living. It is not a specific marriage ritual but is performed as a prayer on similar occasions.
These prayers and fire sacrifice was done by Indra when he went to war with Asuras as taught by his teacher Brihaspathi. It consists of 13 prayers. This is followed by 18 prayers with offering in the fire to the devas and ancestors which are meant to increase knowledge and Brahminical sathvic qualities. This is followed by 12 prayers, which are for the benefit of the country we live. Another three prayers called Vyahrithi homa, Swishtakrith homa and Prajapathi homa follow these.
After a total of 48 offerings to the fire, the fire from the Homa is preserved in a new mud pot and is taken by the wife to the Pravesya homa which takes place in the husbands home. She is also supposed to keep and guard this fire carefully all her life.

Asmarohanam, Lajahomam and Agni Pradakshinam (Vedic)

This is a combined ritual First the husband and wife circle the fire and reach near a stone kept at the north side. The husband holds the thumb of the right leg of the wife by his left hand and places it on a stone. Both of them go near the fire and take their seat. The husband then helps his wife to offer the handful (both palms of the wife are held together .Her brother also takes two hand full of popped rice) of popped rice along with small quantity of ghee given to his wife by her brother to the Agni (fire).Then they circle the fire and repeat this ritual thrice. Though not mentioned in the Vedas, it is a common practice for the husband to give a suitable present to his wife's brother for helping them in this ritual. Normally this should be equal in value to the present given by the bride's family to the groom's sister during Mangalya dharanam for tying the two knots.

Saptha Padhi (Vedic)

Literally this means the "seven steps". Courts in India have ruled that this is the most important ritual of a Hindu Marriage. They consider that unless this ritual is completed the marriage itself is not over. According to Vedas, once this is over the bride and groom become wife and husband. This ritual consists of the groom taking the right foot of the bride in his left hand and making her take seven steps either in the direction of east or north. The following prayers are recited: -

First Step:
Let God MahaVishnu who is spread through out the world, Give you food in plenty
Second step:
Let Him come with you for a second step and give you sufficient strength
Third step:
Let Him come with you for a third step to make you observe all religious rituals.
Fourth step:
Let Him come along with you for the fourth step to give you pleasures
Fifth step:
Let Him be with you when you take the fifth step to give you lot of wealth (cow)
Sixth step:
Let Him lead you the six stages of life with happiness and welfare
Seventh step:
Let him help you in performing Soma Yaga and other prayers when you take the seventh step

The following requests are to be recited by the groom to the bride after she takes the seven steps:-

"You who has taken the seven steps with me should become my friend.
We who have taken the seven steps together would live as friends.
I should get your friendship, Oh maid.
Oh maid, I should never get parted from your friendship.
We who have attained each other, should get lustrous health, serenity, peaceful mind, and should enjoy together the food and all other tastes.
We would plan all things that are to be done in future together.
Let us both make our two minds in to one.
Let us enjoy together all the physical and mental pleasures together from now onwards.
Let us do all religious observations together."

Then again the groom tells the bride:-

"You are the Rig Veda and I am the Sama Veda
I am the Sama Veda and you are the Rig Veda (recited twice for emphasis)
Like these two Vedas we should never separate from each other. We also will not get separated.
I am the world Dyu and you are the earth (dyu is the world above. This indicates that she is below him and should obey his wishes).
I am the material called Shukla (semen) and you are the wearer of this in your womb.
I am the mind and you are the word
I am Sama Veda and you are the Rig Veda
I am telling this because I have lot of care for you.
Please bear me male children in future,
Hey Maid come with me."

Once the prayer and the grooms request is recited the bride becomes groom's wife and joins his family (Gothra)

Tying the string made of Dharbha (Vedic)

The next ritual is tying a rope made of Dharbha grass around the hip of the bride by the groom. He does this by reciting the following prayer: -

Oh fire God, please give a stable and composed mind to this maid, who is going to join me in worshipping you. Let her not get perturbed by anything from now onwards; let her beget lot of children, wealth, grains and house. Let her also get a lustrous pretty body. For getting all these I am tying her with this rope made of dharbha.

Wearing of toe ring by the bride (Puranic)

This is yet another ritual which has no Vedic mantras. The toe ring (3 in number for each leg) is worn to the bride by the sister of the groom. .In Ramayana when Rama asks Lakshmana to identify the ornaments of Seetha , he identifies only the Noopura which is worn in the ankles. He tells Rama that the only part of Seetha he has seen is her feet. Though Noopura denotes anklets, some authorities identify it as toe ring and claim that this was an ancient ritual.Possibly this was worn to identify a married woman in ancient times.

Mangalya Dharanam (Puranic)

Mangalya means that which gives good things and Dharanam means "wearing". The bride has to wear two mangalyas one given by her father and another by the groom's father.The shape and content of Mangalya varies from family to family. Normally before marriage the gold for making mangalya is melted on an auspicious day by the gold smith. Lot of importance is given in the present day to the Mangalya. Before being tied it is circulated among the audience for their blessing and good wishes. This mangalya is a piece of gold in which is inscribed Shiva Linga or Shiva Linga as embossed on a Thulasi madam or Goddess Meenakshi depending on the custom of the bridegroom's family. The groom ties the mangalya arranged on a yellow string round the neck of the girl only the first knot is put by him and two more knots are put by his sister. (The groom's sister is normally given a suitable present for tying the two knots). The bride is normally sits facing east and sits on a bundle of grain-laden hay. The groom recites the following prayer while tying the Mangalya: -
:"This string is holy and giver of good things in life. It also is going to elevate my life. Hey, beautiful maiden, I am tying this around your neck and pray that you would live for hundred years."
It is important to note that this prayer is in modern Sanskrit and is not taken from Veda, It also is important to note that this ritual is not prescribed by the Vedas. Possibly this custom originated in later years. But as of today, according to general people, it is one of the very important functions of marriage. After the mangalya Dharanam is over, the elders shower flowers and yellow coloured rice on the groom and bride. It is also common nowadays to congratulate the bride's parents and groom's parents after this ritual. A sweet sherbhat (sweet scented water) is served to all the people in the mantap once this ritual is over. But really the marriage ritual is has just begun and is far from being over.

Madhu Parkam and Vara Pooja (Vedic)

Once the bride's father gives away his daughter to the groom and he accepts her, the bride's father becomes happy and again does honours to the groom by washing his feet and then offering him a mixture of honey and curd called Madhu Parkam.He also is supposed to give him a cow (the basis of a happy home in earlier times. In fact wealth was counted by the number of cows one has). Nowadays cow is substituted by token presents.

While the bride's father washes his feet, the groom prays, " Let this water poured over my feet destroy my enemies and take care of my family.

The bride's father then tells the groom" You who are the personification of Maha Vishnu, please take your seat and accept all these good things that I give you"

Agni prathisthapam (Vedic)

This means raising of fire. Fire has been the basis of modern life. For centuries the only method of raising the fire was by churning wood.(since there was no match box).Due to it being extremely essential in day to day life, a married man was supposed to maintain fire perennially in his house with the help of his wife. This is a Oupasana .He daily remove the ashes surrounding the fire worships the fire and maintains it. During this holy ritual a new fire is supposed to be raised by the groom with the help of the priest .He is supposed to take a part of this fire and maintain it in his home for life.

Kanya Dhanam or giving away the bride (Vedic)

The Hindus consider gifting of their daughter to a suitable groom as a very holy deed. In fact it is supposed to be superior to many other holy deeds like giving alms, giving food etc. In the beginning of this ritual the bride would be sitting facing east on a bundle made of paddy stalks and holds in her hand a coconut. She also holds a small gold coin called Pudu panam. (But nowadays, she sits on the lap of her father.).Her father should stand facing north with the brides mother on his right side. The groom stands facing the west.. The father of the bride holds the Thamboola (Betel leaf and areca nut) in his palms and the bride should place her palms holding coconut on her father's palms. The groom should join his palms and get prepared to receive the bride's palm holding coconut from her father. While her palms are being transferred, the bride's mother should keep on pouring water over her daughter's hand, which should made to fall on the ground (This is called Dhara in Sanskrit. In Tamil this ceremony is called Dharai Varthu Kodukkal). Gently the bride's palms are transferred to the groom's hand. This ritual symbolizes the transfer of ownership of the bride to the groom (Note: They are still not married and the ritual of the marriage would be performed by the groom. It is obvious that the Hindus thought that the daughter is owned by her father till than and will be owned by the groom later.)
While transferring the bride her father should tell the following prayer: -

a. I am giving to you as a gift, my ever playful gold like daughter who came to my house to give redemption to my ancestors and who would make me reach the heavens in future, bedecked in gold to you, who is the personification of Vishnu.

b. I am giving her to you so that you can get children through her and do all your prescribed religious duties.

The groom replies: -
I accept her by the grace of Sun who made this world with my hands protected by the Aswini Devas with he permission of the Sun God.
It is considered normal for the bride's parents to cry after this ceremony. This is because the transfer of ownership of the bride is complete.

Telling of Pravaram (Vedic)

This is really an announcement about whom the bride is going to wed and whom the groom is to the people who have gathered there. The gothra to which the bride belongs, name of her paternal great grand father, her paternal grand father and her father are repeated in a sonorous loud tones by one priest. They ask the bride's father whether he agrees to protect the dharma of his family. He agrees. Then another priest similarly introduces the bridegroom by telling his Gothra, names of his paternal great grand father, paternal grand father and father. The groom Okays the information given and agrees for the marriage ceremonies. This is repeated thrice. Possibly this is a ritual to give a chance to the audience to tell any thing negative about the information repeated. This was necessary as the groom is a traveler in search of knowledge approaching the bride's father in a different village.

Vara Poojai and initiation of the ceremony(Vedic)

The Vedic ceremony of marriage only starts at this juncture. After the Oonchal the bride and the groom are taken to the Mantap and the Vedic rituals start. First the bride's father welcomes the groom and washes his feet with water. The groom then starts the vivaha rituals with the permission of the learned Brahmins. He first prays the Brahmins to permit him to start the Vedic rituals. The Brahmins permit him to do so. He then performs the Vigneswara pooja and prays God to help him complete the rituals without any problem.

Unchal and Pachai podi (Loukika)

This is another very interesting ritual, which is not Vedic and entirely managed by women relatives. This is also called Kannujal.The silk Sari to be worn by the bride during this occasion was supposed to be purchased by her maternal uncle. The bride keeps her fingers folded in to the palm in a conical form and the groom holds her hand (It is interesting to note that the Pani Grihanam which means holding of hand, which is a Vedic ritual takes place much later after the oonchal. Hence some elders feel that Oonchal ceremony should not be held at this time). The groom leads the bride in front of the Oonchal (A swing) and they stand together facing east, Then the mother of the bride, mother of the groom, paternal aunts of the bride and the groom and one of the uncles wife's or maternal aunts (altogether five people in some families seven people) one by one sprinkle milk on the feet of the groom and bride (symbolizing washing their feet with milk) and wipe their feet with the edges of their silk sari. After this function the groom and bride are asked to sit in the swing, ( It is told that the bride's feet should not touch the ground and only the groom's feet should touch the ground while sitting in the swing, symbolizing that He is the controller of the family) the same relatives then wave colured rice balls (normally coloured red but in some cases coloured yellow and red) all round them in a circular motion and throw them in different directions. This is a ceremony meant to ward off evil from the groom and bride. After this the same relatives give a mixture of sugar, milk and banana to the bride and groom. Once this is over the bride's paternal aunt walks round the swing with a lamp kept on a plate and lit on cooked rice, fed by ghee and with five wicks kept on a brass plate called Thambala .She is followed by the bride's mother, grooms mother, grooms paternal aunt, brides or grooms uncle's wife alternatively carrying a pot of water and a lit lamp normally kept in a vessel. (So that wind does not put it off). While all these is going on the women invitees sing mellifluous tunes composed by several poets for the occasion. Most of them remind of the puranic marriages of either Vishnu or Shiva. Once the function is over a pot of water is handed over to the groom and bride so that they can wash their feet. The priest waves a coconut round the bride and groom and breaks the coconut.

Malai Mattal

In the olden days the groom used to go inside the mantap and come out later for the malai mattal. But nowadays he is received by the bride at the entrance of the mantap. Normally the maternal uncles of the groom carry him in a cradle to the mantap. Though in marriages this still takes place, in many cases, the maternal uncle simply accompanies the groom. The bedecked bride waits at the entrance of the mantap to receive the groom. Both the groom and bride apart from the normal garland wear 3 sets of garland(called Mattu Malai), which is not in the usual form but in the form of "U" put around the neck. At the entrance the bride is lifted up by her maternal uncles and the groom by his maternal uncles and one after another the garlands are exchanged. Lot of mirth and fun takes place during this ritual. When the bride tries to garland the groom either he is moved away or lifted too much high so that she will find it difficult to garland him. The bride's party also tries to move the bride in critical time so that the groom has to virtually chase the bride to garland her. The women relatives sing various songs in the background.

Para Desi Kolam and Kasi Yathrai (Loukika)

After the Vritham in the olden days the groom used to have a haircut and a bath. This is in memory of those times when he used to grow hair during the time when he was a brhmachari. Slowly this custom vanished. Nowdays after the Vritham the groom wears for the first time in his life the 8 yards Dhoti called Soman in the Pancha Kacham (which incidentally means big Veshti one part of which goes in between the legs) fashion. He also wears an Uttariyam.It is normal for him to carry a fan, an umbrella, a bamboo fan, a grantham (any book nowadays), wear new slippers and also a small bundle .He wears (collyrium) Kan Mai, garland and sees himself for the first time in the mirror after the poonal. He also wears double poonal (sacred string) indicating the fact that he is ready to become a grihastha.

He usually walks away from the marriage Pandal and is stopped by the father of the bride .The groom informs the bride's father that he is going to Kasi. (Which indicates that he is still learning and is going further to learn). The bride's father first tells them that he is already an accocmplished Vedic Scholar and requests him to stop his travel for learning and offers him a coconut and offers his daughter in marriage to him and requests him to come back and become a grihastha. The groom accepts this request.
This is not a Vedic ritual as no manthras are uttered. Another important indication is that the negotiation is between the groom and the bride's father again indicating that the arranged marriage of those days was arranged by the groom with the bride's parents.

More Reception Snaps

Reception

It is customary to have a Reception in the evening on the Marriage Eve when the friends and relatives who are unable to be present at the Muhoortham time can wish the bride and groom and hand over the wedding gifts. The bride and groom dressed in all finery pose for photographs with the guests. A great deal of attention is paid to the ornaments and clothes to be worn by the bride and the groom. Whereas the groom dresses in formal western clothes, the bride is dressed in Indian attire. A lavish dinner is arranged. Often, a classical concert or a dance recital is also organized. The receptions are usually well-attended with guest lists in most weddings ranging from 300 to 1000. As the guests leave they are given a bag containing a coconut, betel leaves and arecanut.

Receptions serve as occasions for social get-together and meeting lots of relatives and friends that you have not met recently.